Survival of the hospital stay.

Now... continuing from my last post.

I've never felt such a need for someone in my life as the moment i saw my husband and baby.  

I saw them and my world was complete.

My baby was healthy, but not happy... she was hungry. 

People make such a fuss about breastfeeding.  Although i ended up hating breastfeeding, those first few moments were the most natural thing in the world.  She was hungry and i had what she needed... and she knew exactly where it was.  The bond of those first few moments were priceless.  I loved holding her and her needing me.  

The hospital had a 48 hour policy with first time parents... and they really wanted to keep an eye on baby and i and my infection.  

It was really just a waiting game, but i was so tired and excited that those two days flew by.  I couldn't sleep because i just wanted to hold baby but i was tired i couldn't stay awake.  my schedule was all jacked up and i didn't care. 

My temperature dropped. Patricks brother and his family came to visit.  someone from his work stopped by.  We changed diapers and ate hospital food... though those first few days i really couldn't eat much. 

After the first day they took my catheter out and i started wobbling around a little. 

We got scolded multiple times for dozing off with baby on our chests.  

At one point, she went 6 hours without eating and one of the nurses told us we need to pump or formula feed... i told her to stuff it somewhere else. 

She only lost a couple ounces the first couple days and when we rounded the end of 48 hours, her results came back that she did not contract my infection and we were good to go home.  We had to attend a really stupid parenting class where they told me i need to feed her and then told me i needed to close the door to feed her..  Needless to say i was ready to blow that popsicle stand and was glad to get home.  

I still can't believe its already been two months.  It seems ages ago and there are so many stories i want to pack in...  

My parents have come to visit twice.  

The first time wasn't so great.  I was sore from my c-section but still stubborn and flipped a boat when my mother tried to tell me i couldn't vacume.. but it was nice to have them there to cook and hold her.  she has been an easy baby, but it was so nice for them to hold her.  

At one point, about day 2 home, i lost it when i couldn't get in bed by myself.  I was so upset and helpless... but my awesome husband wasn't about to give up on me and waited patiently on me.  

He also kept her the first week home... He would stay up all night because a) he was scared she would stop breathing or something and b) he wanted me to sleep.. thank GOD!

Overall, i hated the pregnancy, but the birth wasn't as bad as i expected and parenting is way easier than i prepared myself for. 

There are a million stories and i could def make up some advice for you if you really wanted.

In reality:  There is no rule book, no right or wrong.  Everyone is different, every experience is different.  

This is my story.

Loveheartsduh.

Beemo

The survival of my pregnancy, birth, and parenthood.

Here is the story of my First child....

It all started...... well we will skip that part. We all know how it started.

After conception,  i spent an entire week wondering, feeling tired and achy.  I took the test only for the positive sign to remain absent.  

No big deal, we weren't rushing or stressing or anything else.

A week later, i was still exaughsted.  I was still achy.   I was going to wait another month to take the test but my husband thought differently.  So off to the bathroom i went.  I peed. I paused. I checked.  Still no positive results.  I showed the results to my husband only to receive his critique that i hadn't waited long enough.  We started the timer and waited out the 3.4 min.  When the timer went off, we went to watch TV.  I'm just kidding.  When the timer went off we eagerly flew to the test. lol.  At first, i was like "i told you so baby" only to realize there was a faint, VERY faint line.  It was barely there, but it was there.  I was exactly 3 weeks pregnant.  December 17th the Dr's test came back showing me PREGNANT.... but of course we already knew that.  I just wanted to make sure you got the point... That i was pregnant.  

I want to make it clear because the next 3 months, everyone tried to tell me that my symptoms were in my head.... that I wasn't really tired.  I wasn't actually moody.  My bloat had to also be in my brain.  

It only lasted about 3 months because after that i got pissed at all the rude customers and quit.  I should have quit sooner, but i'm tough and don't quit...  until i couldn't handle it an quit : ) 

I was pregnant an entire 37 weeks and all but 3 of those were the most miserable weeks of my life.  Some people love being pregnant.  I am not one of those people.  I hated the cravings.  I hated not being able to do new things or be crazy active.  I hated not being able to have a beer without worry about the alcohol content.  I hated none of my clothes fitting and the weight that i gained.  I hated my boobs.  so overall,  I did NOT enjoy being pregnant.  

By the time 36 weeks hit, i KNEW i was not going to make it to 40.  My body did not like being pregnant.  

Our anniversary was 36weeks6days.  We celebrated like any married couple ; ) 

Except the clean up was not as smooth as normal.  We had fluid for days... LITERALLY.  By the time  time noon hit, i was starting to think it was my water.  By the time 2 Pm hit, I Knew it was my water.

I held off going to the hospital because i still wasn't really sure it was my water.  

Monday, i woke up tired of cleaning up the flow that had become more and more constant.  To the hospital i went.  

I spent three hours waiting for the Dr.  She finally made it to my room to check my fluid.  There wasn't much fluid for her to test, but when she found some, it tested neg for amniotic fluid.  The computer showed i was having regular contractions so she did an ultra sound.  Everything was good, my fluid was actually a lot higher than necessary, i wasn't dilated,  and i was sent home.   Are you surprised?  I wasn't but i was frustrated.

That frustration only escalated as my "leaking" got stronger.  I couldn't stand up.  There was no point in getting dressed.  I was sitting in what, i had concluded, was the result of a failing bladder.

I spent a second night of changing towels and doing my best from making too much of a mess.  I was also fighting embarrassment.  Here i was, a grown adult, and the only answer was that i had lost complete control of my bladder.  But There was nothing i could do about it and i was not about to be embarrassed by something pregnancy was causing.

Tuesday rolled around and i was to the point of complete sanity loss.  I had an apt with my attorney (stupid landlord issues) and i was determined to make my apt.  When my husband made it home for lunch, he had other ideas.  Off to the hospital we went.. again.  I was determined that if i was going to spend another day in the hospital, i wasn't leaving with out some sort of answer.  So we waited. and waited.. and waited.  We had a different doctor but she eventually found time between deliveries to stop by our room.  She started with the same pattern as the previous doctor.  She was going to test the fluid.  She started out with the same issue... there wasn't any fluid for her to swab.  I was dialed to 1/2 but no fluid.... Until she was almost done.  She managed to get just a drip.  That drip was the solution.  It was amniotic fluid.  

I was being admitted.   55 hours with a broken water, in labor, and i was FINALLY being admitted.  It had began. 

I couldn't use the labor tub due to infection risk but they eventually got me set up.  

For those of you who don't know, 55 hours is a LONG time and super dangerous.  The longer a water is broke the higher risk of infection and they were watching me like a hawk.  

They got me started on pitocin to "induce" labor.  

A couple hours later:  I still wasn't feeling the contractions but i was dilating.. slowly, but surely.

A couple more hours and i had dialed to a 3 and i was starting to feel the contractions.  

They put in a catheter to check the contraction more accurately.  That catheter put me over the edge.  I was READY for an epidural.   There was no point in holding off if i couldn't do an underwater birth, contractions were only going to get worse, and i was dilating slowly enough that i was starting to picture a c-section. 

The worse part about the epidural:  Having to sit still during a contraction.

They did get the epidural in and it was amazing.  It was beautiful.  I should have gotten it before the catheter.  

We went back to waiting.  I finally hit the 4 cm dilation mark but my temperature was 104.2 and baby was starting to get wacky. 

At one point, i was half awake/half asleep, when the nurse came in to check and couldn't recognize baby's heart rate.  She called in other nurses, they had to all flip me over (i couldn't move due to the epidural) and i was panicking.  They turned the pitocin off, brought out an oxygen mask, called in another DR, and pulled out the ultrasound machine.  They stuck me a shot of who knows what and I had already hit full panic mode.  Patrick woke up and was doing everything in his power to keep me from passing out.  I still cry thinking about the fear in my veins.  Just as they were pulling in another bed, they found baby girl's heart beat.  

It wasn't long after that, i had been dilated to 4 for 4 hours.  I was no longer on the pitocin.  I had been in active labor for a total of 12 hours. The nurse was checking my contraction and i told her that if i didn't make progress soon i was going to have discuss a c-section with the Dr.  

Less than 5 min later, the nurse hadn't even left the room yet, and the Dr came in to tell me my temperature was concerning, baby was concerning, and she thought we needed to consider other routes because they really needed to get baby out.  Since i had just been talking about it, i of course agreed. 

Everything after that point was a blur.

Less than 5 min and the anestitian was in there going over processes.  Less than half an hour and Patrick was taken to a room to get scrubs on and i was being wheeled to surgery. 

I remember, at some point i was freaking out without patrick.  I cried because i was scared. I cried because i was excited.  I cried because i wanted my husband.

I was strapped to a table and a tent set up in front of me.

The anastian began pumping me with fluid.  Testing every couple min for feeling.

I heard the doctor call for the incision to be made and panic began to set in again.  Patrick wasn't in there yet and i could NOT do this without him.  They went to get him and it was utter relief to see him walk in. 

I cried.  Everyone asked if it hurt.  I explained i was excited.  I cried again.

I could feel them tugging.  I could feel my insides being moved around... all the advice people hand around, and NO ONE prepared me for the feeling of a c-section.  I could feel everything being moved around.  I could feel baby being pulled out. It was surreal.  Patrick was there talking me through it.

And then she coohed.  and i cried.  They took baby and Patrick to the warming table to get everything cut and cleaned.  

I was left cold and alone, with out baby, while they put everything back in and sewed me up.  The next few min were the loneliest moments of my entire life.  I wanted to see my baby.  I wanted to see my husband but i felt like everyone in the room had forgotten i was there, exposed on the hard table.

I realize this isn't exactly true as i had an entire team still working on putting me back together, but it's how i felt.  

My husband brought baby girl over to me for a moment before they took them up to the room and i was left even more alone as the sound of them left the room. 

Thank God the anestisian (still can't figure out how to spell that) was like an angel and knocked me out for the rest of it.  I don't remember the conversation or him doing it, but the next thing i remember is waking up in recovery confused and high.  I remember crying and laughing and though i can't remember what was said, i remember saying some really outlandish things to the guy taking my stats.  

Once i was coherent again, they took me up to the room where i could see my husband and baby.  I've never felt such a need for someone in my life as the moment i saw my husband and baby.  

I saw them and my world was complete.

That is the story of my pregnancy and Auna's birth (i'll conclude the hospital stay in the next post)

Loveheartsduh.

Sucked raw.

Auna Banana is 8 weeks.  I am officially done pumping.

I spent the first couple weeks breast feeding.  Then i switched to pumping so that daddy could help relieve some of the stress of feeding.
When i started pumping, my supply dropped dramatically.
We started formula and pumping 3-4 times a day.

EVERYONE has breastfeeding/pumping advice.  I listened to all of it.  We tried power pumping.  We tried drinking shit tons of water.  We tried a million different "solutions".
I went on Reglan and my supply sky rocketed.
The problem is, my production did not.  I had clogged ducts. I had engorgement.  I ended up with Mastitis.  We went on an antibiotic to help with the mastitis.
About the time the mastitis cleared up, i dropped the reglan and dropped to pumping twice (sometimes three times) a day.

I was exaughsted and stressed.  I didn't feel attractive.  My leaky and tender boobs made me feel like a cow despite my drastic weight loss.

The solution?  I've stopped pumping.

I'm not giving up.  I'm not quitting because i'm out of solutions.  I'm done because it is time.
This morning, i laid in bed with my precious baby girl and cuddled.  I didn't have to rush to get up to pump.  Tonight, i'm going to make love to my awesome husband instead of pumping when i really don't want to.

I know i will continue to receive advice from everyone and anyone...  Mothers telling me that i need to drink mothers milk tea or "supportive" friends telling me i will regret it like they did and that i should just push through it.

Some people love breast feeding, but for us it just wasn't worth it.
The thing is, I feel good.  I love being able to relax instead of circling my entire schedule around pumping.  I love being able to write this blog without juggling plastic bottles suctioned to me like a milk cow.  I love not being covered in milk after getting out of the shower.  I love WANTING to hold my baby instead of dreading it.

There is so much pressure to "make breastfeeding work".  Everyone wants to be supportive so that women can be "successful" at it.  They make those that don't breastfeed feel pressured into something that is NOT best for them and their child.  My husband had to remind me that he supports the decisions i make even if others don't.  He has been there for this entire journey.  For those that don't have that support structure (and those that do too), check out this article, Stop breastfeeding without the guilt but Inspired Mama.  It was refreshing when i was trying to break the pressure and really didn't want to keep going.

baby gifts.

Weather new or used, i've received a million gifts. .. AFTER baby was born. 

With that being said, i have a couple pointers for my next baby (in several YEARS)

1.  DO NOT BUY ANYTHING before baby is born. 

About a week before baby Auna was born, i started getting antsy.  We didn't have a crib.  We didn't have clothes.  We didn't have bottles.  Things that we would actually need, we didn't have.  With no family living close and no friends in our new neighborhood...  I finally gave in and went yard selling. 

Fast FFW a few weeks.  About two weeks after baby, and our neighbors were calling regularly with hand me down clothes, diapers their baby outgrew, formula their baby was too sensitive for.... everything all the time (they know you have new baby, they watched you carry her in the house)  We started receiving gift boxes with clothes everywhere from NB to 24 months.  There was more than once that people would tell us what they were shopping for only for us to tell them we already had it or bought us something only for us to return it because we already had one.

The ONLY thing you HAVE to have before baby is born is a car seat.

Auna was never in clothes.  The hospital sent us home with a weeks worth of diapers.  and really, for a night or so, it doesn't hurt to make a "crib" if you don't already have one.

I read this everywhere, i didn't listen... DO NOT BUY ANYTHING. 

I can give you a million and five things to put on your registry or to get after everything has settled down, but WAIT.  Don't buy anything yet.

2.  Take pictures, keep a list.

As the gifts came in, i kept a list of everyone i'd sent thank you cards to.  What i didn't do, is remember who gave me what clothes.  There were clothes coming from every corner of the earth and as she grew into the bigger sizes, people wanted to see her in the clothes they got her... hopefully they couldn't remember exactly what they got her, because i certainly couldn't.  It was a pink onesie set (that describes every outfit she got) I still have no idea if i've been sending the right pictures to the right people... hopefully they don't remember either.  

Next time, i'm going to take pictures of each box as it comes in or wright the givers name on the tags...  that way, when i put her in a new outfit, i know who to send the picture to : ).

I'm also going to keep their address with the list of thank you cards sent...  Once we had birth announcements made, i had to get an all new list of addresses.  If i'd just kept the addresses when i sent thank you cards, it would have saved me some time later. .. as well as for holidays and birthdays.. and everything in between : ) lol. 

Now, there are a million more lessons that i've already learned and have yet to learn.  These are just the two to remember as far as the gifts go [so far].

-Brittany

umbilical cord

Auna lost her cord today : ) now she has a belly botton : )

37 Weeks and done : )

Well, It has happened.  Our anniversary was Sunday the 2nd and it's also the day my water broke.  Of course, i didn't realize it was my water... that took another 55 hours.  I went to the hospital on monday, but there wasn't enough to test.  I went back on Tue and they were able to get a read.  So 55 hours after my water ruptured, i was admitted.  over 12 hours later, i was still only dilated to a 4.  With a 104 temp from the infection setting in and the piton cut off from baby's heart rate being sacked out, they decided the best route was surgery to get baby out of harms way.  Not too much longer and baby Auna emerged from my tummy.

Project elephant

It didn't quite turn out as well as i'd hoped, but i didn't have a pattern and it was the first test run, so i'm pretty excited about it : )

Happy 4th!

Well, it's tech the 5th now... but that is beside the point.  I made it to 33 weeks and thought that at this point i would make it the entire 40 without throwing up....  But i broke the streak last night and hurled my gatorade. Lol

Last High Risk APPT.

Went to Topeka today....  Last appt : )  turns out Auna has grown bigger and is no longer breech!!  yay!

31W2D

Circus themed perhaps

I originally found this on pinterest.  The rest of the project is stunning.  Project Nursery 

I absolutely adore the tent.  I have a blue one already, but i suppose it will be easy to add the pendants and lights... hopefully. 

I also have some pink tulle coming from my awesome friend Sandy (who got us the bedding set) so i could fairly easily make a pink/white tent from scratch.  

I have turned back and forth with the circus idea because natural elephants are much more elegant than caged elephants.  I haven't actually decided yet, but i love this tent so that part is happening : )

Baby bedding

We've started nesting : )  We don't have a crib yet, and two bumpers, so we used one around the changing table just because it's pretty....  Epic win : ) I'm pretty excited.  It's starting to look like a nursery.   

I can't get over this bedding set Sandy got us when she barely knows us, but it is so adorable!!  I have never felt such gratitude as i do now.  

Week29 Day1

High Risk ultrasound

My ultra sound with The dr in Topeka came back good.  The umbilical cord is in the side of the placenta so i have to go back in July just to keep an eye on Auna, but the Dr said it wasn't anything to worry about : )

26 weeks

Had another dr. apt yesterday.  The Anatomy ultrasound looks good for the most part.  However,  Baby is measuring 5 days small.  This doesn't seem like a big deal to me or my dr, but we're going for another ultrasound just to double check everything.  We're going to a high-risk dr in Topeka...  The "high risk" part of it makes me a little nervous, but i know that part is just a title.  A small baby isn't the worst that could happen, in fact, it could be good since i have such a small frame.  Just waiting for the Dr's call to make the apt now : )  On the other hand... Auna is kicking like crazy!!

Grandma

Up to this point, i doubted there would be a baby shower.  I planned on having to cover everything ourselves.  I had no problem with this, but really didn't know where to start.

Now, grandma has finally gotten the "baby Fever".  She has hit the shopping scene and maybe gone a little overboard (no complaints here!)

It started with this:

and next thing i know i'm receiving photo after photo after photo: 

Appearently, she bought enough clothing for the solid first year.  This is just the clothes, not to mention the other things....  

So i think we are covered in the clothes dept for awhile : ) 

Week23 Day4

Getting big now!! 

I can consistently feel little Auna kicking : )

Compared to Day 1 and Week 15:

I almost forget how tiny i was until i look at this picture!!  I've only gained 10 pounds, but i look like i've gained 20! lol.

Week22 Day3: Gender reveal.

I was so frustrated trying to bake a cake today.  I just could not seem to get it right.  In the end, they turned out just fine.

We made two, One blue and one pink, because we knew we wouldn't have time after the ultra sound to get it done before our "party".

The results:

We really only needed the pink cake!!!

So we're having a girl.  Time to start picking out ribbon and pearls : )  

Can't wait to meet little miss Auna Susa Lee !

Week 20

Day1 VS Wk15

I know i need to get a picture tomorrow... i'll almost be 19 weeks.
In the meantime... i did an overlay of day 1 and 15weeks 3 days:

Crazy how quickly i'm growing.  I know a lot of people don't even start showing until now (18 weeks)..  Not me... I just couldn't wait. lol

pregnancy peeves

I am now at 18 weeks and just about fed up with people's stupid ignorance.  There are so many great articles on what NOT to say to a woman with a perisite called baby, you think people would learn!!

I don't have a lot of peeves.  Unlike most pregnant women, I love my belly being rubbed.  However,  there are few things that make me want to hulk out.

My biggest pet peeve at the moment:  The Declaration that i am having twins:  
"OH MY GOD ARE YOU SURE THERE'S ONLY ONE IN THERE?!" I don't know, are you sure you have only eaten that ONE TWINKIE that you're holding in your hand right now? 
 It is really any comment to size. When they declare that i am not showing at all, even though i can't wear my jeans anymore and have gone up TWO cup sizes, i want to scream.  I didn't ask because i KNOW that i am showing.  Anyone who has read this blog knows that from the photos... but i didn't ask and i don't need people suggesting that i've actually always been this big.

I haven't had too much problem yet with people commenting on my due date yet, but the gender guessing game has gone a little too far at times: 
"You're having a boy" ok... that's cool. "NO! i guarantee it's a boy. I know these things" ok. That's fine. " I KNOW IT"S A BOY!" ok, i tell you what.... if it's a girl, i'm not doing plastic surgery to make it a boy... so shut the F*** up. I didn't ask you. I don't care what it ends up being.

My last peeve has got to be unsolicited parenting advice: 
Weather it be breast feeding, pacifiers, or swaddling.... my baby isn't even here yet. Lets get through the pregnancy first.
Regardless of what you decide, people tend to think that their opinion is what you should do when it comes to feeding (or raising) your baby.

Everyone has their own pet peeves, especially in pregnancy.  It really wraps all up in being respectful.  Just like religion or politics, no one what others pushing their beliefs or thoughts on them.
I don't mind passing comments of gender guessing or small piece of helpful advice. Once it's time, i know i will need the advice of others to get through breast feeding or even just life in general... but a small comment of advice is different than someone demanding that they know the Path.  THEY'RE NOT JESUS... THEY ARE NOT THE WAY!!

Now that i have that off my chest... i am, once again, hungry.... time to feed peanut.

loveheartsduh.
BeeMo

Week15 Day3

I know it looks like i am grimacing..... but that really is supposed to be a smile, even despite the cramping from massive growth : ) 

It's crazy to think the last photo was 5 weeks ago and i've almost doubled in size. 

Week11 Day2.

Little Anna James is healthy and happy :)

Week10

Week9 Day4: Update

I didn't get a picture this week due to exaughstion.
I spent Fri and Sunday in the ER due to bleeding.  Sunday, i was bleeding more than i bleed during a period.
The end result:  Everything is fine.

My next apt is Feb 4 and they will do a heartbeat check at this one.

I did buy new jeans this week :) so now i can wear pants again!  yay!

Until then,
Wish me luck:)

kbye

Week8 Day4: Update

After Some spotting, i knew it was normal, but i couldn't get the nagging feeling out of my gut.  Today i had to go in for lab work, and so i stopped by the Urgent Care dept while i was there. 

Of course, i was just worrying over nothing... but at least i got an ultra sound and got to see my little peanut :)

Week8

Week7: Symptoms

Although i am still feeling better than a couple weeks ago, I am getting pretty sleepy today.  

My stomach is also on the fritz of a backfall, but just a little.  

I am still leaps and bounds better than i was there for a little better.  

As for my stomach, No bump yet... just a little bloating still, but not as much as there was a couple weeks ago...

Patrick is gone to school for 6 more weeks and i am starting to have patrick withdrawals...  can't wait to get him back : )

Week6 Day6: Symptoms

Although i am still getting queasy, my stomach hasn't been quite as sensitive.

My exhaustion is also improving slightly.  I have had three days off of work, that could have some influence on it.  I go back to work tomorrow, we will see if my exhaustion stays at bay or if i'm going to have to cut back on shifts.

I have started wardrobe shopping to go with my symptoms.  Nothing crazy, just a couple skirts that will work with my entire pregnancy as well as postpartum and once i get back to my normal.

Even my bloating has calmed down a little bit... So overall, not doing too bad.

Baby announcment